I’m a very happy camgirl. Ecstatically so, truth be told. I’ve been frolicking (fuck I love that word) in paradise for 5 1/2 months now, and honestly though it feels like I’ve been living here for eons I still feel like a guest in this beautiful land, and to tell you the truth I don’t mind that in the slightest. I think the reality of all this is hitting me all over again as the cold dark months settle over North America and it’s somewhat surreal. Hell, a couple of weekends ago my best friend emailed me one Saturday morning with a ‘fuck you my girl, it’s SNOWING here‘ (in T.O.). Haha, that day I made the three minute walk down to the beach out in front of my resort and did this:
Of course I sent the pics above to him, and copied my mom and aunts. Yes, I am a horrible person. 😀
For real though, still every day I wake up like I’m living in a dream, one I’ve envisioned for so many years, one I’ve worked towards attaining for so many years. I’m still not quite sure how I managed to change a long-held dream into my reality but fuck it, I’ll take it. Not a single day goes by that I don’t thank the universe for this though. In absence of a god to believe, in I guess the concept of the cosmos will do. 🙂
I have wonderful friends here, a whole new off-cam career to add to my existing research and design work and while I’m still a camgirl on skype and love every moment of it, I feel like my life is so much richer than it was mere months ago. I still work hard (that ish is ingrained in my DNA) but I also have so much fun, every day here. What feels so foreign is the fact that it’s so damn effortless. To be honest that’s a new concept to me. I’ve gotten pretty adept at this balance thing but back in TO it was a conscious effort. Here, not so much. I want to be out in the sun paying homage to all that this paradise grants me. I want to be out dancing and laughing and taking shots off dancers tight-as-hell tummies on a random Tuesday night. I need to be out walking in a balmy breeze on a fall night, wearing nothing but a tank top and jean shorts, dropping into random clubs for a drink and a dance before moving on to the next scrubby downtown club that catches my vibe as I walk by.
I still feel like any moment now someone will pinch me or slap me awake and this dream will evaporate. So yeah, if you see me on skype with a giddy smile and a sunburned nose know that I’m deliriously happy. Proof positive that I love being a camgirl too, if I didn’t I would have ditched this work months ago. I love that with everything that’s going on I still make skype a priority when I can; I think I enjoy being a camgirl even more now that it’s become such a small part of my day to day life. I appreciate the good peeps more, and get into our sessions together much more intensely than I ever have before.
Life is a bizarre experience but I’m loving every moment of it. We all have ish to be thankful for, so take a moment, close your eyes, breathe in deep and do so. Best feeling, ever. (aside from orgasms that is) 🙂
Peace and Love,
Jesse